Education

Adoptive Dad Opens Up About Hesitation, Reunion Joy, and the Moment Everything Changed

Nov 21, 2025
By, Donna Pope

Richard and Elizabeth's adoption journey began with a simple no. When Elizabeth felt a spiritual prompting to adopt seven years ago, Richard's immediate response wasn't enthusiasm but resistance. He hadn't considered adoption, feared the financial burden, and worried about inviting strangers into their carefully guarded family circle. Yet today, Richard describes adoption as an experience that made him a better person, one that opened his reserved heart to connections he never imagined possible.

Their story, shared on Adoption Utah with host Donna Pope, reveals the transformation that happens when families push through initial fears and embrace the messy, beautiful reality of open adoption. From navigating scams on adoption.com to watching their birth mother Kaylee sign relinquishment papers, Richard and Elizabeth experienced the full spectrum of adoption emotions.

When Your Spouse Gets a Prompting

Elizabeth received what she describes as a clear message from God after struggling with miscarriages. She needed to adopt. When she approached Richard and asked him to pray about it, his response was immediate and firm. He declined. He admitted his fear that if he prayed, he would receive the same answer, forcing him into territory he wasn't ready to explore.

Richard's concerns were practical. The financial cost topped his list. He questioned whether a child who didn't share his genetics would feel the same connection. Most significantly, the couple valued their privacy and small family circle, making the prospect of building relationships with birth parents feel like an invasion. Research from American Adoptions shows that financial concerns, bonding worries, and open adoption dynamics rank among the most common hesitations prospective adoptive parents face before beginning their adoption journey.

Their conversation about adoption stretched across seven to eight years, punctuated by the births of two more biological sons. They watched the film Lion together, which shifted Richard's perspective. The ongoing dialogue allowed Richard to examine each fear individually. His mindset shifted, recognizing open adoption as the healthiest option for their future child.

Scams, Setbacks, and Divine Timing

After deciding to move forward, Richard and Elizabeth started with an international adoption agency focused on Japan. The agency shut down before their process completed. Richard suggested they pause, and Elizabeth agreed after receiving her own spiritual confirmation to follow his lead.

After their third son's birth, Elizabeth felt the timing was right to restart their adoption journey. The couple committed to trying adoption.com for one year. Their optimism quickly met harsh reality when the very first contact turned out to be a scam. The woman didn't request money, making her harder to identify. She called Elizabeth constantly, building an emotional connection while using stolen photos. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, adoption scams have increased with internet connectivity, with emotional scammers building relationships over weeks before disappearing or revealing the deception.

Several similar scams followed. The couple deleted their profile in March 2024, feeling discouraged by constant deception. Despite setbacks, they remained committed to adoption, a decision that would prove worthwhile when the right connection finally emerged.

The Text That Changed Everything

Two months after deleting their adoption.com profile, Elizabeth received a text from Kaylee in May 2024. Elizabeth's first instinct was suspicion. Every previous contact had been a scam. She forwarded the message to her friend, who thought it seemed legitimate.

The miracle extended beyond timing. Kaylee had somehow found their deleted profile and located Elizabeth's phone number. Elizabeth immediately requested a FaceTime call for visual confirmation that Kaylee was genuinely pregnant and considering adoption.

They met at Kneaders with Kaylee and her mother Brittany. The meeting exceeded expectations. Richard and Kaylee's mother hit it off immediately, establishing a foundation of mutual respect and genuine friendship.

Living With Uncertainty and Love

Following their initial meeting, Richard and Elizabeth met with Kaylee approximately every two weeks. Yet Elizabeth struggled emotionally after every visit. While Richard remained upbeat during drives home, Elizabeth would sink into sadness and anxiety, investing tremendous emotional energy into people who might ultimately choose another family.

Kaylee showed exceptional maturity for a 19-year-old considering adoption. She prepared specific questions for each meeting, refusing to avoid difficult conversations about expectations, parenting philosophies, and open adoption dynamics.

Elizabeth credits Kaylee's parents with handling an incredibly difficult situation with grace. When Kaylee revealed her pregnancy, her father's first response was reassurance of their unconditional love.

The Day They Became a Family

On July 17th, Richard and Elizabeth met Kaylee at a park. Elizabeth didn't know Kaylee planned to announce her decision that day. When Kaylee started crying, Elizabeth's immediate thought was rejection.

Instead, Kaylee told them they were her family. Elizabeth immediately covered her face and cried. The relief and joy were overwhelming after months of guarded hope. She and Kaylee hugged for an extended time while Richard watched what he describes as two women whose paths were always meant to cross finally finding each other.

When Labor Becomes a Sacred Experience

On October 3rd, Richard and Elizabeth attended their son's Halloween parade when Kaylee texted that she was cramping. When Kaylee's mother texted that Kaylee was dilated to nine, Elizabeth called Richard immediately. They rushed to the hospital through frustrating traffic.

Kaylee had wanted them present during labor and delivery. They weren't relegated to a waiting room but welcomed as family. What struck Richard and Elizabeth most wasn't the baby's birth but watching Kaylee's parents care for their daughter. Kaylee had made a choice her parents hadn't anticipated. Yet their love for her remained absolutely unchanged. They hugged her, comforted her, and her father gave her a priesthood blessing. Richard describes watching this parental love as the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Comparing Biological and Adopted Parenting

Donna Pope asked Richard to compare being present when Elizabeth gave birth to their biological sons versus when Kaylee gave birth to their adopted daughter. Richard struggled to articulate significant differences. Whether the baby came from Elizabeth or Kaylee, the moment of holding his child creates the same sense of wonder and connection.

Elizabeth's experience included more complexity because of uncertainty surrounding finalization. She maintained an emotional wall because Kaylee could still change her mind. Elizabeth didn't allow herself to fully accept Posey as hers until they left the hospital with signed relinquishment papers.

The Hardest Day and Beautiful Goodbye

Kaylee wanted Richard and Elizabeth present when she signed the relinquishment papers. Watching Kaylee sign the documents became the hardest thing Elizabeth had ever witnessed.

Elizabeth couldn't stop crying while Richard comforted her. At one point, Kaylee looked down at Posey and told her she was doing this for her. The lawyer acknowledged that Kaylee was showing her child the greatest love possible in that moment.

After signing, Kaylee asked if she could hold Posey one more time. When Kaylee stood to say goodbye, the three adults formed a circle with Posey in the middle and embraced. Elizabeth describes it as the most beautiful moment, a physical representation of their commitment to loving both Kaylee and this baby together.

Maintaining Connection Through Milestones

Richard and Elizabeth made it clear to Kaylee that signing papers wouldn't change their relationship. True to their promise, Kaylee attended a BYU game at their house just four days after Posey's birth. She came to Posey's baby blessing and the court finalization hearing. Research by the Donaldson Adoption Institute indicates that 95% of adoptions today include some form of openness, with ongoing contact between birth parents and adoptive families becoming the norm rather than the exception.

Perhaps most significantly, Kaylee participated in Posey's temple sealing. They asked Kaylee at JCW's restaurant if she would hold Posey during the ceremony. She started crying, having privately hoped they would ask her. The sealing ceremony created what Elizabeth describes as a complete circle. Every mother in the room cried, witnessing a birth mother's continued participation in her biological daughter's spiritual life.

The Unexpected Transformation

Richard and Elizabeth's story offers hope to families where one spouse feels hesitant about adoption. Richard's honest admission that he initially declined validates the resistance many people feel. His transformation shows that initial hesitation doesn't predict ultimate outcomes.

Key lessons include:

Initial resistance to adoption doesn't mean adoption isn't right for your family
Transformation takes time and ongoing conversation between spouses
Open adoption relationships can enrich rather than complicate family dynamics
Birth parents deserve honor and inclusion in significant milestones
The relationship with birth parents can become as meaningful as the relationship with the adopted child

Your Adoption Journey Starts With Conversation

Richard's evolution happened through education, time, and willingness to remain open to possibilities he initially rejected. Their open relationship with Kaylee challenges fears about birth parent involvement becoming burdensome. Instead, Kaylee's presence at family gatherings, temple ceremonies, and everyday moments enriches rather than threatens their family bonds.

Listen to Richard and Elizabeth's full conversation on Adoption Utah to hear more about their journey, their relationship with Kaylee's family, and the temple sealing that brought their story full circle. Subscribe to Adoption Utah for continued conversations exploring the complex realities and unexpected blessings of adoption in Utah's unique cultural landscape.

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